I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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