do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
