It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
