She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
