I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
