Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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