i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
