all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize