Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize