They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize