The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
