I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
