oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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