I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
