the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
God, I missed his penis.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
