You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
