I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
