it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
