I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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