I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
