Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
