You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
