My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Enjoy the penises
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I want a musical about memes.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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