Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
PANTIES FOUND
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