There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
