I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
