$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Mom said you looked used
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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