so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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