Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
