Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
