you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
