so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
