what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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