Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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