the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
