Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
