the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
