It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize