I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
