im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
