i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
