I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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