he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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