People in love make me want to vomit
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My ATM looks so different sober.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
