I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
