If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
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