Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
