cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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