the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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