Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
