Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
