Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize