When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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