Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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