Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
