Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
