God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
