It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
