he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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