it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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