I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
