Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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