I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
