I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
