I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
