U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I touched a dick in church today
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
