I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize