I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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