Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
